Weblog

Sunday, 23 March 2008

Friday, 27 July 2007

  • What the hell is wrong with me.  Right now all I can think about is cutting.  I just want to cut cut cut.  I really want to cut HIM and have him feel my pain.  He says he knows all about pain and his is worse than mine blah blah blah.  I don't give a shit.  This isn't a competetion.  I just want him to feel MINE.  What he's done to me.  I just don't know.  The only reason I'm not cutting right now is because the shit head that is here with me right now.  He'll yell at me if I do it.  Instead of holding me right now he's busy on MY PSP but when I go off by myself to cut he wants to yell at me.  WTF is that. 

    i wish some one would just kill me.  i wish one day while driving to go get the kids a big truck would hit me.  or maybe after dropping them off.  i'm too much of a chicken shit to try to do it myself.  if it's some one else's fault i'm okay with that.

Thursday, 26 July 2007

  • I have two Army fleece blankets that I desperately want to get rid of.  They are really comfy so I'm gonna go get the Veggie Tales one and whatever else they have to replace these.  My "army wife" shirts and plate frame are spoken for.
  • I just had a great idea.  Something to rub in his face.  I want to get a plate for the truck that says "WUZ HIZ"

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

  • My First Post

    Hi there.

    Let me tell you about myself.

    I am nameless except for my username.  I am brand new into the world of divorce after a 7 year relationship and a 4 year marriage that is ending among lies and mind games and finding the strength to overcome it all.

    I am 27 years old, mother of 2.  A 4 year old girl and a boy 18 months.  I suffer from PMDD, although not in extreme form.  I do have my horrible days though.  I have also recently gotten back into cutting.  Mostly just on the back of my hand and not very deep either.  I have a tendency to take painkillers during extreme emotional distress but I do not take them every day nor do I take enough to kill myself.  Just to numb the pain I am in.  I've only overdosed one time but my plan did not work out.

    I started this xanga so I can have a place to put the memories that come to me in flashes.  Like commercials that interrupt my day and just depress me to no end that make me want to cut.  I'm out of painkillers save for codeine and that does nothing for me.  Cutting is pretty much all I have left to relieve the pain, besides tattoos.  I already have 8 of them and I cannot afford the one that it would take to have all this pain leave me in physical way.

    I will post every time my regularly scheduled programming is interrupted by one of these commercials.